Anticipation

I'm someone who is very connected to music. As people say things or I hear things on television, I'll make connections to songs. For example, when saying "Good morning" to my students, I often broke into the song from Singing in the Rain or even better, Oklahoma! So as I wrote the title for this post, I started singing a little Carly Simon in my head. And now you are too. Hehehehe.

So on to the idea of anticipation. As many of you know, I'm going on a Mediterranean cruise this week. I've been anticipating this cruise since February. In February, while re-vamping my food choices with the help of Donna Sonkin I had visions of sun-swept beaches and gorgeous Mediterranean men. In February, that helped me battle through the lovely New York winter and the difficulties at work I was facing. But the anticipation at that point was a lick of my favorite ice cream- a tease.

Then April came along. It was Spring Break and I was excited to have some recuperation time. That was also the week that I met Adamy Shuty and started my exercise journey. So my anticipation changed. Not only was I anticipating having a wonderful time on the cruise, I was now anticipating doing it in a bathing suit that was smaller than what I'd been wearing last year.

I remember talking about this with Andrea Aversano, MS,RD, CDN and Michelle Ruderman, RD, CDN. Yes, we were having this conversation at The Melting Pot... but don't let that cloud the issue. I stated quite clearly, "I'm going to be in a bikini in July." And my best friend Andrea, who has been a realist and a support for me in so many ways throughout my life said, "Maybe a tankini..." And I said as I popped chocolate-covered marshmallows into my mouth, "No. A bikini."

Well, Andrea and Michelle had a much better understanding of me- knowing how I worked and what I'd probably accomplish. They wanted to help me realize my goals, but also help me set more realistic ones so that the anticipation wouldn't build to a point where I'd be devastated if things didn't turn out the way I'd hoped. So, my anticipation of being in a smaller sized bathing suit was a realistic vision, the bikini- not so much. Not yet anyway.

May came along and with it graduations and parties. In addition, the anticipation of the end of the year. I'll let you in on a little secret. Most teachers start anticipating June as soon as they return for work in September. By May, the anticipation has reached a fevered pace. Such was the case for me, especially with the added incentive of a cruise. I was working hard in the gym, learning about my body and what it could handle- realizing each week, as Adam pushed me, that it could handle more and more. I had that vision of me in a bikini- something that hasn't happened since I was about thirteen years old.

And then... it was June. the year had passed with torturous slowness, but at the same time, once I found a purpose, it passed amazingly quickly. So by June, I was in high gear. Cruise me! I was shouting in my brain. Venice, Ancona, Santorini, Mykonos, Dubrovnik!! I started watching Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants so I could see glimpses of Greece and start salivating. I have this habit of saying "I was there" any time I see pictures of, or video about, a place I've been. So while watching that movie I kept saying, "I'm going there!"

Throughout my days I kept this glimmer of anticipation glowing in my heart and mind. When I received the news that I was being excessed, I let the pain wash away with the sound of a ship through water.

The last week of school. It's a week that most teachers look forward to and dread at the same time. If you're teaching high school in New York, it's a time of long lunches and grading papers. If you're teaching middle school in New York, it's a time of "Oh my God what can we do to keep these kids busy when their grades are already in and they don't care any more??!?!?!?!" In my mind I was thinking "Next week, I'll be getting on an airplane and landing in Madrid, then Venice."

And now, my first week of a well-deserved vacation. The anticipation is now turning into anxiety. "What should I pack? How much money will I need? What if I get seasick?" I know that once I land, I'll be the happiest camper around. I love travel. I love Europe. I want to just vegetate and soak up Vitamin D (with 70 spf sunblock, of course). The anticipation of this cruise is now consuming my every waking thought. Do I have enough shoes (never have enough shoes)? Should I bring along another pair of capris? What about....?

I just find it so fascinating how anticipation works. We have this idea of something good (or bad) and it just lingers in our brains. As the event comes closer, our brains start working over time, sending out chemicals and making our hearts speed up and our breathing come faster. Maybe you'll lose sleep. Maybe you'll go on an insane shopping spree. Maybe you'll have a panic attack. Maybe you'll meditate on the glories of life and how wonderful it is to have something to anticipate with joy.

We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway.
And I wonder if I'm really with you now
Or just chasing after some finer day.

Anticipation. Anticipation
Is making me late
Is keeping me waiting.-- Carly Simon