This is fun Miss!

Words I never thought I'd hear a student from this school say... after all of the grief they've been giving me: the book fights, the paper balls, not doing homework, being openly defiant and disrespectful.... I never thought I'd hear one of the most formerly obnoxious kids say that he was actually enjoying doing something in my class. I almost fell over... the special ed teacher was in the room at the time so I was able to get confirmation that my ears hadn't deceived me.... Wow... of course, when I asked him to repeat it he just started laughing... but what a moment. Almost makes the agony of my pratically-permanently tense shoulders worthwhile. :) And he was so in to the topic... started educating other students about proper etiquette for interviews... it was great. I couldn't believe it. Teaching... when you get those days... those moments... they're amazing.

LKH

LKH's new book is almost here!!!

http://www.randomhouse.com/features/lkhamilton/widget/index.html?ref=news&name=lkhamilton1008

Summer has come and gone...

Even though the heat will hit a sweltering 85-90 today (where was this during our last weeks of August, one might ask) I will remain calm, cool and collected. Why? Because I have a job. Is it the best job in the world? No. Is there such a thing? "Work" is a four-lettered word like all the words I've been shouting at the crazy New York drivers who won't let me get home at the end of the day.

One of the most interesting things about my new job (besides the fact that the school is in the Stone Age) is the commute. I live 9 miles from my job. 9 miles. That's it. Do you know how long it takes me to get home every day? Anywhere from 1 to 2 hours with an average of 1.5 hrs. After dealing with pre-pubescent and newly pubescent 7th and 8th graders, the other drivers are lucky that I keep my windows up.

So, back to the Stone Age-ness of the school... The former principal left about a week or so before school started so the new principal had been on the job for 2 days when I was hired. Yep. 2 days. So, there seemed to be nothing prepared for opening day. Remembering all the complaining we did at VHS over the paperwork, I almost weep. I'd love to have a checklist. The problem with NYC schools is that the right hand doesn't know what it's own pinky is doing, much less what the left hand has got planned. Using bubble sheets for attendance. BUBBLE SHEETS. Is there a more INEFFICIENT use of a teacher's time than BUBBLE SHEETS? It's like a freaking SAT exam every period. And for those of us with hyper-active sweat glands... well, you get the picture.

So, I am thankful I have a job. I am wistful for VHS, especially the sisters-of-my-heart. And I sing in my head the great Cathedrals' classic, "If I can just hold on till tomorrow/If I can just hold on till tomorrow/If I can just hold on till tomorrow/I know the Lord's gonna bring a better day."

Beginnings...

So I've been focused very much on endings for the past few weeks, with good reason. I've been a bit depressed/down in the dumps and allowed myself to get lost in the doldrums. But hey, summer is here! I'm alive! To quote Sixx A.M. "Life is beautiful"! I've got a renewed sense of self-- I've been working on cleaning up my spaces from getting my laundry done to sorting through papers- dumping the not essential pieces of my life. Do I really need 65 copies of worksheet packets? I think not, my friends! Do I really need all those stupid window envelopes that the bills came in? Nope! So I spent the past week/weekend sorting through a lot of stuff at home and in my classroom. There's still a long way to go, but I feel better about where I've gotten to so far.

It's really not easy sorting through your life and deciding what to keep and what to toss. My brother Jimmy would say "Toss it all," but I can't do that. I'm an English teacher. We hold on to everything because we never know "when we might need it." Might. Why do I get hung up on that? Do I need it now? No. Do I need it tomorrow? No. Do I need it next week? Nope. So, out it goes! I guess what I need to get a handle on is that I can re-create most of the stuff I've done in the past four years. Besides, I always re-do everything anyway. My teaching is like my mom's cooking: never the same way twice.

So, this is a time for renewal- a time for focusing on me: what do I want? What do I need? How can I make myself a better, stronger, more confident person?

It's rough...

Packing up four years worth of stuff when i don't know what the future holds for me. However, I was actually inspired by Oprah's mission statement for today:
"Happiness lives in the spirit, not on the surface. Stop defining yourself by what you see--or think you see--when you look in the mirror."

I've been defining myself by what I see in the mirror and boy has it been depressing. So, I'm going to take my sparkly Mickey watch (courtesy of Uncle Tony an Aunt Lainie) and have a good time for myself. Who knows what the future holds? I don't. I leave it all in God's hands.

Nice thing happened today- when I told my "I" period students I wouldn't be back next year they said "We love you Hurls" and applauded for me. One of them started crying- albeit for the club that I have to abandon- but that touched me a lot. I almost started crying too. sighs

"Whenever God closes one door... Somewhere He opens a window..." I'm just hoping the window is looking out some place special. I'd just like some security. But again... "not my will, but Thine be done."

A breakdown?

Yes... just a little one. Grades, packing boxes, project reports, exit portfolios.... I feel like tossing it all in the garbage. I feel like I've been tossed in the garbage.

Weight? Yeah, that's not working either. I can't break the barrier. I lose focus. I collapse before I even get started.

Well, back to the grind.

The end is near

Well, I've got over 330 hours done now in my internship... and I keep on working knowing I don't have a job next year. I guess that's the hardest part of this. I keep plugging along with a smile on my face, not screaming and yelling and acting like someone who has given up. I haven't given up. I will find something, somewhere. I just wish I could wipe away this year and start over- except I wouldn't like to do this internship again.

How ironic is it that the one thing I had the most fear about- the internship- ended up being the best part of my year. My teaching- which seems to have gotten me fired- I felt totally secure about. I guess perceptions can definitely be misleading.

Finishing Up...

So, I've finished my coursework for the MPS. I'm very excited. However, I still have 130 hours or so left to go in my internship. That just seems so daunting. *sighing* I feel like I'll never be finished with this. I guess the really good thing about this program is that it has reawakened my interest in learning. I'm enjoying finding out what's going on in schools around the country. I'm enjoying reading and researching new and innovative teaching methodologies. I think before I started the program I had become a bit lax. I couldn't do professional development because my school couldn't afford it. Now I realize that I'm silly to not go because I can't afford something.

I'm so grateful for having had this opportunity, but I'll be happy when my final portfolio is handed in!

Vacations come and go... the song remains the same...

And that song is "heigh ho, heigh ho..." it's off to work I go. No matter how one is feeling emotionally, the job is still there. How do we do it? How do we keep on working when we have no desire/will to do so?

I guess it's a testament to character. Character seems to be something that no one truly thinks about unless they're running for President- it's okay to assassinate a candidate's character, but unless it's something truly awful, it won't matter anyway.

So, why do I bother? Why do I keep giving and giving and giving? Is it the Christian thing to do? Is it the Christian thing to give and give and give and then get nothing in return?

Some day my vacation will come...

I wish it was tomorrow... Actually, I really wish tomorrow was the 15th, because then I'd know I would just have to get through one more day.... but no.

Work, course, home. Wednesday: Work, meeting, home. Thursday: Work, vocal lesson, home. Friday: Work, dr., winter formal. Ugh.

I feel like I never get a moment to breathe. Or at least that my brain never gets a moment to breathe- that I should constantly be doing work... I feel like I'm always behind.

Interning while teaching

I'm currently enrolled in an administrative leadership program. While this is enjoyable, the internship portion of this is not. How many people have to do internships while working full time? I'm sure there are lots, but it still doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I guess, however, in my case, the internship while working is a good idea. I just wish I had some extra time to get things done. Or that my brain didn't feel like it was about to explode all the time.