New job = Fountain of Youth?

As many of you know, I started a new job this week. My last day of work before this past Monday was June 26th. Yes, I had the summer "off," but during that time I had been looking for new jobs with no success. I know there are so many people in the same boat these days and it's an awful feeling.

Many of you know how I've been feeling about being unemployed, and I'm sure many of you have had similar feelings in your own life.  The feelings ran the gamut from rage at not being seen for the wonderful worker I am to apathy to deep depressive sadness to feelings of complete lack of worth. It's enough to age a person, especially when the help you were hoping to receive suddenly dries up.

Then you watch your savings dwindle as you struggle to pay your bills and maintain some semblance of a social life. Isn't that one of the lovely Catch-22's of the unemployed- you don't have money coming in, but you need to spend money to network, revamp/print resumes and cover letters, pay for gas to get to interviews, buy new clothes/suits... You also don't want to be the downer in a group, so you say "Yes, let's go out to that restaurant/club/movie" and spend the $20-$100 you don't have so that you can spend time with your friends who will hopefully cheer you up and provide some relief from the drudgery of sitting home all day. All of this takes a toll on the psyche and the body.

One of the worst things about being unemployed is the emotional eating. I felt almost itchy with the need to do something, anything, so I ate. It was so frustrating watching all the work I did during the spring and summer evaporate because of my emotional situation.  And even though I knew I was doing it, I couldn't stop myself from doing it. It was so easy to just pour some chips (even if they were organic, sea-salted ones) into a Gladware plastic container and mindlessly cram them into my mouth while sitting on the couch and watching nonsense.

Then I got the news that one of the interviews had paid off. I'd gotten a job! Yes, it's a long-term temporary position, but it's a job! I felt this weight of hopelessness lift from my soul and fill me with a new excitement. The only difficult thing for me is that the hopefullness was tinged with the leftovers from the whole unemployment thing because the money situation has still not improved. It takes time, of course, but time adds up in terms of bills and debt.

One of the best feelings, however, was going into my first day on the new job and being welcomed warmly. Was I put to work right away, of course! But it was work coupled with appreciation for intelligence and the capability to work hard. 

It's hard not to make downward comparisons when I think about what I suffered last year. I'm in a lovely office space, have my own cubicle with phone, computer, garbage and recycling bins... I can go to the bathroom whenever I want (no more need for "teacher bladder"!!); can have coffee whenever I want... There's a cafeteria with yummy selections and plenty of space for colleagues to sit and dine together indoors or outside. And best of all (don't be too jealous teacher friends), there is a whole supply room that I can go to and take what I want. It's like a mini Staples/Office Max. I almost cried.

And copies? Last year I spent hundreds of dollars at Staples copying my worksheets because the copier at the school never worked and had no paper. Then I switched to printing my worksheets on my own printer & re-using the paper again. Now? I can print in COLOR from my desktop as well as make color copies. I'm in heaven. It's so lovely being treated like a valuable human being.

Which leads to the title of this post. When I called my mom at the end of the day she said "So, I'm guessing it was good?" And I asked, "How could you tell?" She said, "Your voice is totally different. You sound happy." Boy, was I! Then I saw Adam for my workout later that evening and he said, "You look younger." How's that for a response?! It's amazing what having a job can do for one's sense of self-worth and pride. While I kept myself busy during my "unemployed" time trying to start a business and find a job, it wasn't something I wanted to brag about or discuss with others.

I think one of the nicest things about this job is that I don't have to take anything with me when I leave. When I was teaching, I'd take papers, books, materials, problems and tons of negative emotions. Now, when I leave, I grab my jacket and my purse and head out the door. It's amazingly liberating. In addition, I don't have to spend hours worrying about the "What ifs" that go hand-in-hand with teaching. I wake up in the morning, get dressed and head out the door with no more worry than getting to work on time. And here's the kicker folks- I'm early every day.  Last year, I had to practically drag myself out of bed every morning because my psyche was trying to protect me from the toxicity. I felt like a shadow of my former self because I used to be early all the time. Now, I'm back to my earlier-than-usual self :) 

So, now I just need to get back into a healthier eating phase and I'll be back on track. This job is providing the healing that I needed and I'm so grateful for it!